We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
