Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
