Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Randomize
