i already hear my dad disowning me
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
