he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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