so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
