people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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