Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
