dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
