im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
