planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
There are leaves in my underwear?
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