ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
