Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
