ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
