we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
