the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
