What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
