ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
