Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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