matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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