you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
