I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
