those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
