It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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