if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
