I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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