I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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