So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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