she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
