the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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