I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think I am morally bankrupt
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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