Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
