A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
