When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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