people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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