Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
