Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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