I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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