How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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