Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
