i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
