Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Text me some of your sweat
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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