Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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