oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
FUCK WHALES
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
