"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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