can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
