i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
