Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
