before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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