I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
