:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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